Real Friends

Who's to even say I'm a real friend? I've shared secrets, gossiped, let people down, and hurt feelings more than once or twice, but I'm never afraid to admit it. We all think we are "real" or the "ideal friend", but are we really? What is a real friend? Many of us think that a real friend is a "yes man", and is suppose to agree with everything we say. If not we're offended and perceive that person as disloyal. We think that "if my friend doesn't like you, then I don't like you" is loyalty, which in my opinion is complete bullshit. We'll put up with our trifling boyfriends/girlfriends a million times and cut our "friends" off in the blink of an eye. Moral of the story is that we don't know what a real friendis, but we learn as we grow, because those "real friends" grow with you. It's funny to look back and see how some of the friends that I had and practically lived with are now complete strangers. You out grow people just how you outgrow situations and this does not mean that the person is not real, but it does mean that the person is not for you. How do you know who your real friends are? Well understand this when calling everyone your friend..

1. Be Your Own Friend First: First things first. Learn to be your own friend. Be comfortable being with you. Enjoying being in your own comfort so the presence of someone else is not a necessity. We become dependent on large crowds and groups, seeking acceptance from others because we do not genuinely know ourselves. The first thing we say when we're alone is "I'm bored". Relocating to New York was really an eye opening experience for me in terms of learning to appreciate myself and my space. I left Tallahassee where I was able to lounge and hang with "friends" day and night to move to New York where I knew only one person. I will not lie, this was the loneliest year of my life, only because I never learned how to be my own friend until those moments. I did everything alone and it taught me to appreciate me. Now I know how to distinguish a true friendship from desperation. I know that anyone that I consider a real friend is not just someone that I'm clinging on to because I'm bored or need a companion.

2. Everyone Is Not Your Friend: We use the word "friend" too loosely, often times confusing it with the word associate. How to distinguish the two? Well here, that person that you call when you have the world on your shoulders and somehow they just fucking get it and can bring you back to your inner peace, that is your friend. The person you occasionally go out for drinks and gossip with, that you met on Instagram is an associate. We misuse the words and then get upset when an associate "betrays" us, when in actuality an associate owes you nothing.

3. No to the Yes Man: If your friend agrees to everything you do and say, that is not your friend. Sure, you'll be mad when you hear that your hair is ugly and maybe you look kind of fat in that dress, but you'll get over it. Too many times I have to look at ugly outfits and say "where the hell was there friend when they decided to wear this out of the house?". The answer is your friend to the right of you who told you that your outfit was cute wouldn't have let you embarrass yourself if they were really your friend (or maybe they have no sense of style either), but that's another blog post. Seriously, the friends that you have should always be able to disagree with you if need be. No, you're not always right. Yes, it's annoying to hear that you're wrong, but it's always good to know that someone has your best interest at heart and if that means hurting your feelings then so be it.

4. You Outgrow People: And that is perfectly normal. Everyone cannot come with you as you grow. Today I think about my savings account, property, my career, and traveling. A lot of people my age are not thinking of those things. At this stage in my life someone who is more interested in gossip and clubbing every night cannot sit with me because that is not where I am mentally or physically. You want your realfriends to uplift you and grow with you, not keep you where you were several years ago. If your "friends" are still egging you on to go fight the person who was talking shit about you via social media than maybe you've out grown that person.

5. Your "Real Friend" Is Still Their Own Person: You'll agree to disagree, just as you will in any relationship, just keep in mind that your friendis their own person. It's ok for them to connect with someone that you do not connect with. It's ok for them to not agree with how you handled a situation. It's ok for them to hang out with other people other than you. They should not have to contact you everyday for you to know that you are still friends. Fall the fuck back and let your friend breath. Their world does not revolve around you.

There are many misconceptions of what a real friend is in this generation. Many of us clique hop because we do not know how to genuinely be a friend. Down the line you want to be able to genuinely count on someone and never question their loyalty. This does not mean that you'll never get upset with each other and not speak, but it does mean that those little moments of hate will never be able to account for a realfriendship. If your friend never speaks to you again after a catty disagreement, that isn't your real friend. Kick that bitch to the curb.