Get Uncomfortable, Fuck Boundaries

Entering my freshmen year of college I realized how much of an introvert I was. I would only associate with the people that I knew from high school and I would lock myself in my dorm room, sleeping and occasionally doing hair. People always perceive me as rude, mean, or stuck up when they first meet me and I can totally understand why. I am very standoffish and awkward in populated and unfamiliar environments, a complete weirdo. I'll be the first to admit that my people skills are very far off from where they should be. When I moved to New York and began attending the Fashion Institute of Technology I realized that I needed to man the fuck up and start talking to complete randoms and knocking on the doors of complete strangers. I had to get so uncomfortable that after a while hearing "no" and "sorry, I can't help you" became normal. We are so afraid of hearing those words that we make ourselves unavailable, but baby you'd better get used to it now or you'll regret it later. I scored a job after only a week of living in the city, I've had several awesome internships, and I've made connections with some pretty dope ass people, all while being an awkward ass introvert. How did I do it? Well I realized three important things that have helped me along the way.

1. No One Cares About You : We are so self absorbed that we think that everyone is paying us attention and judging us at all times when in all actuality you are just one of many. I see hundreds of people a day dancing, singing, yelling, laughing, and just being themselves and I honestly cannot vividly remember one of them. Think about having to do a presentation in class and getting knots in your stomach because you're scared shitless about what people might think. Now, think about being the person having to watch that person present. YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE. You're too busy thinking about your turn or your mind is drifted in an entire different place. Learning this has made me one of the best presenters ever. Of course, I still get knots until I look into the audience and see an entire group of people who could care less about what I'm saying. When you realize that people don't care as much as you think they do, putting yourself out there won't be as hard.

2. Nothing wrong with being an introvert: there is nothing wrong with enjoying your personal space and agonizing the fact that you have to go out in the world and talk to assholes who just like to hear themselves speak (no shade to extroverts). Being an introvert is ok, but using this as a clutch is not. I had to get uncomfortable and ask for help finding jobs and internships, ask for pay raises when I knew I deserved them, and ask for my space when I needed it. The biggest lie that you have ever told yourself is "I don't need anyone". You need to utilize every resource and person around you to get where you're trying to go so get real uncomfortable and step outside your comfort zone because that's the only way you'll succeed.

3. The silent worker can be the hardest worker in the room: I've never been the first one to raise my hand with the answer or the person to volunteer to go to the front and share my answer, but I've always been the one to put 110% into any and everything that I do. Sometimes even that means pushing boundaries. This means asking for help because you want to be the one who is correct or being the last one in the room to soak up all of the opportunities. I remember being asked at an interview "Can you identify a weakness that you have?" and my answer was "Sometimes I am too quiet because I work more effectively when I am able to put all of my focus into the task that I have been assigned. Some people see this as a weakness within my communication skills". Which is true, it is a weakness of communication, but I've totally owned it and use it to my advantage. I don't like speaking and I'd prefer to be completely in my zone in silence. This doesn't mean that I'm excused from speaking up or expressing my thoughts, concerns, values, ideas, and opinions. When needed I'm more than comfortable expressing all of the above. Note that I said when needed. Too often we think that we know everything without valid reasoning and explanations. Shut up, soak up all of the learning and resources, and use it as your weapon. The loudest person in the room is usually not the smartest.

Going forward, step outside of your comfort zone and do something that makes your skin crawl. Do something that someone said you couldn't do or that you think you're incapable of. Nothing is impossible once you break the door down. No one will give you anything, but you can take whatever you want. This doesn't mean start stealing shit by the way. First things first, get uncomfortable, fuck boundaries. I learned how to sew via YouTube, I moved to New York on a gut feeling, not knowing how how I would pay my tuition or where I would live, and I'm one of four African American new hires at my company. Say it with me, fuck boundaries.